Relationships, I Believe

            I don't believe in one night stands,

                          I believe in relationships.

Oh sure a one night stand has some benefits, there is a physical need that is served. But the emotional and the psychological needs are far from satisfied. All positive relationships are grounded in mutual respect and care. A one night stand belies this positive aspect with the “me” factor being the driving purpose. The concern is in receiving and not in giving.

For me, as a person, to always have a goal to strive for brings a certain special passion to my life. To be in a continuing relationship with another where I am trying to understand, while not always agreeing with another, is to forever bring me closer to that person in my relationship with them. With God, and with people, this relationship can never be complete in this world and so the continuing effort to understand another is vital to the growth of any relationship.

I also think that a relationship should be with both partners as giving, and not so much with the give and take so often talked about. When you are in a relationship of give and take inevitably there is a score kept. This may not be a conscience score but more a feeling of dissatisfaction with one’s needs being met. If both partners are of a giving mode then there is less likely a feeling of need, as the need is fulfilled with the giving. This might be considered a “perfect” relationship, however “perfect” is a human impossibility.

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I don't believe in “perfect”. I don't believe in the perfect relationship. Not even my relationship with God, as I understand God, is perfect. I believe somehow that is the point of our relationships, not to be perfect, but instead to forever being committed to, faithful to, and striving for the perfect relationship with another person. In faith this relationship would be our Spirituality. As human beings we are all different, imperfect, and unique and as such we have to work at it to get along. The more intimate the relationship the increasingly arduous the task. Along with the effort also comes the increased satisfaction of being.

In this type of relationship there is also risk. For being open and honest is a necessary element. Any time we are open and honest we expose ourselves to possible ridicule or embarrassment, either private or public. This of course is why I believe that all positive relationships are grounded in respect and care. Relationships that use a deception and/or manipulation as a foundation will lead to unhappiness and failure.

The euphoria of a new relationship can be quite alluring; this is almost always a short term emotion. Including your partner in your plans as you look to the future will help in your quest for a meaningful relationship. You may have noticed that I have not written here about “love”. I believe that love is rooted in charity and charity is giving without the expectation of a return, and giving without the expectation of a return, is love practiced and love defined. Above I stated that I believe that both partners should be as giving and not give and take. This in turn would lead to perfect love. But since I don't believe in perfect, there is the arduous task of understanding with respect and care for the heart of another.

I believe that for those willing to put forth the risk and effort of a relationship they will be increasingly successful, happy, and fulfilled people. Adding to this a good and positive Spirituality can only increase the satisfaction of any relationship.

Blessings to you of peace and love, always.

By David E. Gonzales