a) I’m
sorry if I said something to offend you.
b) I'm sorry if you think I did or said something wrong or may have offended you.
“If” takes away the
personal responsibility from the apologizer and puts the onus on the injured
party. “If” also takes also shows that the offender has no empathy for the
offended. After all, the offender doesn't think they did anything wrong.
The apologizer isn't
convinced that they did or said anything wrong but they wish to close the gap
between the hurt party and themselves. The hurt party may wish to accept this
type of apology simply because of their need to heal the relationship with
their friend, partner, or family member. They may also believe that this is a
sincere apology because of the degree of hurt they feel.
These types of statements
are used as an appeasement to the one they offended. If it works and there is
some degree of healing to the relationship then so much the better, if not it
is doubtful that the apologizer would go any further to heal the relationship.
Although if rejected the apologizer may come to the realization that the other
party is hurt and they may have some degree of fault to consider.
On a related note: a
person that feels they have been wronged doesn't need or should not expect an
apology to offer forgiveness. And so it goes that a person offering an apology
should not expect an acceptance of their apology only that they offered it in
all sincerity. I believe both of these are offerings and not demands, therefore,
there should be no expectation of a return.
Just a thought on the human condition.
by David E. Gonzales
