I’m Not Attached-

I’m not attached to things, physical things. I hear people say, “I love my car, phone, or other things.” Or, “I don’t know what I would do without this or that thing.” I have a truck I’ve been driving for 14 years; I am no more fond of it than I am of the chair I’m sitting on or the door to this room. These are inanimate objects. They have no life. They give no love. Yet many people do give of themselves to these “things.”

Why do so many give of themselves to things that cannot give in return? It never ceases to befuddle me when I see people have so much emotion over a car. Perhaps it’s because so many people are lonely? Or do they lack in having a Faith? We, as a society seem obsessed with the things we create. Things that give us moments of pleasure, or wonderment, but not a lasting relationship. In fact, not a relationship at all, for a healthy relationship is a two-way engagement.

A healthy relationship is between two human beings. I’m speaking here in regards to personal relationships. There are relationships in families, groups and societies. I wish to keep this within the personal relationship. I believe that personal relationships are both physical and spiritual. Both of these types of relationships have the same foundation of trust, charity, mutual care and support.

I believe many, if not most people, are missing part of this foundation in their lives. One of these parts is trust, and I believe this is why so many of us cling to “things” with an emotional attachment. We don’t have to give much trust to a car or a cell-phone. If these things fail us we can get another one. We can discard them at a whim. Or if they are reasonably reliable we can cling to them as if they are a trusted friend.

Charity brings about another dimension altogether. Let’s bring charity down to its fundamental core, kindness. It doesn’t take much to see that ‘things” don’t bring or offer kindness. Not in any way, whatsoever. So when I hear people say, “Its been so good to me,” I would like to believe they’re speaking metaphorically. Except many are not. They have developed an imaginary relationship with an object. A relationship where they believe this object “cares” about them. This belief can allow people to disengage with others and become increasingly recluse. The attraction is that it’s safer than a personal relationship. However, there’s also no mutual care and support.

Mutual care and support can only be between two people. Again I’m speaking in the context of a personal relationship. Mutual care and support is, really, just two people paying attention to one another. Paying attention with the desire to help one another be as real, productive, and serving as possible. I mean to say, as human as possible. When we put all this together, we call it; being in love, sharing love and being loved.

To be loved is what we desire the most. But I don’t think most of us understand just what that means. To love is to extend to yourself outside of yourself and to take risk with one other. To be loved is to allow yourself to be cared for physically, emotionally, intellectually, and psychologically. A healthy relationship is some combination of all these aspects, each combination becoming unique to each couple. A couple, two people.

Two people, not things, stuff, objects, or toys. A relationship, not something to be discarded and replaced because it’s not working as well as one dreamed it should be working. A relationship takes work, some requiring more care than others. Few relationships, if any, are free of flaws. None of them are attached to “things” more than they are attached to each other. If they were, they would be considered a business relationship and not personal one.

I’m not attached…

I’m not attached to what I have. I have what I need to function in today’s society, both in business and personally. I don’t need things, or want things to replace human interaction and certainly not to mimic a relationship. I think we as a society need to prioritize our emotions regarding “things” and people. I think we need to treat each other with the foundation of charity and kindness.

If we treat each other with this foundation of trust, charity, mutual care and support, we will find a shift in the way we look at the “things” in our lives. Putting our attachments in the human context, first and foremost. We need to pull our heads out of the electronic sand and reinsert our body, and minds back into personal relationships and society as whole. The relationship we have with each other is the same relationship we have with our God, Spirit, or Higher Power.

As we shift from the “things” of this world, we will be more willing to embrace our natural longing toward faith and our humanity. We are all physical and spiritual beings in need of physical and spiritual relationships.

May we all be blessed in our physical and spiritual relationships.

David E. Gonzales

The Dust Has Settled

       Now that the dust has settled, now that the Christ has risen and the world draws back into the life it has carved out for itself. Let’s reflect back on what has just happened. For the events that have just been completed, tortured, died, descended, risen, ascended, these are the events that evolve Christianity distinctly from Judaism.

       The torture and death was a deliberate act of cruelty of man against man. The result of a power struggle where on one side it was the power of man over man and on the other side it was the power of God with man. Yes you read that correctly, God with man, not God over man.

clipartpanda.com

       God has been trying to be partners with man since the beginning of time. From one covenant to another to again another we, humanity, keep rejecting God’s attempts to be one with another. We, humanity, keep rejecting God as if we have all the answers, all the common sense, all the power to control all things. We, humanity, born from the breath of God, still think we are superior to God. And for our efforts we keep fighting each other because after all “we” know best.

       The other three, (descended, risen, ascended) are Christ putting his full and complete trust into the hands of his Father. “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit”. (Luke 23; 46b) Our Christ didn’t descend into hell, rise from the grave or ascend into heaven by his own power. He knew it was by his Father’s hand he would be manifested as the Son of God and returned home to sit at his side. Full and Complete trust in his Father.

       And yet we, humanity, continue on our path, OUR PATH! Not the one God asks of us, but instead the one that we, in all our narcissism, carve out for ourselves. It may be true we know what we want better than anyone. But do we really know what we need better than anyone, or anything?

       And so we continue fighting, killing, raping, aborting, and dividing each other in new and horrible ways. We look to our governments to solve the issues of the poor instead of looking at ourselves to simply help as we can. As we can individually and through our churches, synagogues, temples, mosques, and congregations of all types.

       The dust has settled. God has again, reached out to us. Our relationship with our God is, as is, our relationship with each other. How’s your relationship?

Scripture is from the NABRE

by David E. Gonzales

Humanity's Healing

Charity is the essence to Humanity's Healing.

      Charity is;

The hand held out in compassion and kindness for the sake of others.

The care of the poor, and the stability amongst chaos.

The active relationship with our God, Spirit, or Higher Power.

It is what holds Nations, States, cities, towns, communities, and families together.

It is the greatest gift we as a people can give to one another.

It is love in practice.

True charity is Love in its purest form.

by David E. Gonzales

Clip art - Helping Hands

I apologize, (or did I?)

        a) I’m sorry if I said something to offend you.

         b) I'm sorry if you think I did or said something wrong or may have offended you.

“If” takes away the personal responsibility from the apologizer and puts the onus on the injured party. “If” also takes also shows that the offender has no empathy for the offended. After all, the offender doesn't think they did anything wrong.

The apologizer isn't convinced that they did or said anything wrong but they wish to close the gap between the hurt party and themselves. The hurt party may wish to accept this type of apology simply because of their need to heal the relationship with their friend, partner, or family member. They may also believe that this is a sincere apology because of the degree of hurt they feel.

These types of statements are used as an appeasement to the one they offended. If it works and there is some degree of healing to the relationship then so much the better, if not it is doubtful that the apologizer would go any further to heal the relationship. Although if rejected the apologizer may come to the realization that the other party is hurt and they may have some degree of fault to consider.

On a related note: a person that feels they have been wronged doesn't need or should not expect an apology to offer forgiveness. And so it goes that a person offering an apology should not expect an acceptance of their apology only that they offered it in all sincerity. I believe both of these are offerings and not demands, therefore, there should be no expectation of a return.

Just a thought on the human condition.

by David E. Gonzales

Relationships, I Believe

            I don't believe in one night stands,

                          I believe in relationships.

Oh sure a one night stand has some benefits, there is a physical need that is served. But the emotional and the psychological needs are far from satisfied. All positive relationships are grounded in mutual respect and care. A one night stand belies this positive aspect with the “me” factor being the driving purpose. The concern is in receiving and not in giving.

For me, as a person, to always have a goal to strive for brings a certain special passion to my life. To be in a continuing relationship with another where I am trying to understand, while not always agreeing with another, is to forever bring me closer to that person in my relationship with them. With God, and with people, this relationship can never be complete in this world and so the continuing effort to understand another is vital to the growth of any relationship.

I also think that a relationship should be with both partners as giving, and not so much with the give and take so often talked about. When you are in a relationship of give and take inevitably there is a score kept. This may not be a conscience score but more a feeling of dissatisfaction with one’s needs being met. If both partners are of a giving mode then there is less likely a feeling of need, as the need is fulfilled with the giving. This might be considered a “perfect” relationship, however “perfect” is a human impossibility.

Artist Unknown

I don't believe in “perfect”. I don't believe in the perfect relationship. Not even my relationship with God, as I understand God, is perfect. I believe somehow that is the point of our relationships, not to be perfect, but instead to forever being committed to, faithful to, and striving for the perfect relationship with another person. In faith this relationship would be our Spirituality. As human beings we are all different, imperfect, and unique and as such we have to work at it to get along. The more intimate the relationship the increasingly arduous the task. Along with the effort also comes the increased satisfaction of being.

In this type of relationship there is also risk. For being open and honest is a necessary element. Any time we are open and honest we expose ourselves to possible ridicule or embarrassment, either private or public. This of course is why I believe that all positive relationships are grounded in respect and care. Relationships that use a deception and/or manipulation as a foundation will lead to unhappiness and failure.

The euphoria of a new relationship can be quite alluring; this is almost always a short term emotion. Including your partner in your plans as you look to the future will help in your quest for a meaningful relationship. You may have noticed that I have not written here about “love”. I believe that love is rooted in charity and charity is giving without the expectation of a return, and giving without the expectation of a return, is love practiced and love defined. Above I stated that I believe that both partners should be as giving and not give and take. This in turn would lead to perfect love. But since I don't believe in perfect, there is the arduous task of understanding with respect and care for the heart of another.

I believe that for those willing to put forth the risk and effort of a relationship they will be increasingly successful, happy, and fulfilled people. Adding to this a good and positive Spirituality can only increase the satisfaction of any relationship.

Blessings to you of peace and love, always.

By David E. Gonzales

Just Spiritual? Can You Define That?

           So, you say that you're not really religious, that you're just spiritual. You also state that you really can't define what you mean by “just spiritual” only to say you don't belong to any organization, and you believe in some kind of a higher power. You just sort of go with the flow, wherever the spirit takes you. And that makes perfect sense. Loosely defined, religion is organized spirituality. So what you're really saying is that your faith is unorganized. You have no real direction except what feels right at the time.

           This doesn't seem very comforting and certainly not personally challenging, although it is spiritually convenient in a secular sort of way. To be spiritual is to live life within your faith. But how can you live your life within your faith if your spirituality is unorganized? Or at least undefined? Religion and its many denominations, along with the sense of community, are necessary to define and execute your spirituality. Some need this organization in great abundance while others are less inclined to be involved. I believe that the majority of us need some kind of structure to help guide us through life.

           We, as a people, are naturally sociable. We, as a people, are also naturally selfish. So how does God, Spirit, or Higher Power help us to overcome ourselves? This is done through the teachings of our God on how to live for the good of others; it is how we live a spiritual life. Another way to put it is to say that, how we live our lives is the relationship we have with our God, Spirit, or Higher Power.

           Jesus is quoted as saying;

Mark, 12; 29-31-

            Jesus replied, the first is this: Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is Lord alone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.

            Jesus is also quoted as saying;

John, 13; 34-35a

            I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another.

           These passages put things in as succinct phrasings as I have found. Love God, Spirit, or Higher Power first and foremost and do it by loving/caring for those less fortunate than you. To be just spiritual; perhaps it’s just human nature to think we can do it (life) on the fly. I believe that life is fuller and happier with the guidelines God put before us thousands of years ago. I chose these Christian passages above to express my faith, but regardless of your faith, religion, or denomination let love/charity be your guide, for this is the central teaching of all the major faiths of the world.

May the love and peace of Christ be with you now and forever. Amen

By David E. Gonzales

Scripture is from the NABRE

Faith, that’s what it’s all about! Second Sunday of Easter

Acts, 5; 15

Thus they even carried the sick out into the streets and laid them on cots and mats so that when Peter came by, at least his shadow might fall on one or another of them.

John, 20; 29

            Jesus said to him, “Have you come to believe because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.”

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“Grace and freedom, God’s free initiative and the free human response of acceptance, comprise the mystery of faith.”¹

           In today’s readings faith is the object of our attention. In the reading from the Act of the Apostles, faith is the reason for the healing and conversion of the multitudes. This reading also shows us the example of community strength in action. Remember when Jesus could barely perform miracles in his own home town because of the lack of faith by the people. (Mat, 13; 58)  Here, the faith of the community is so strong that even the shadow of Peter cured the sick. The story presented here is a real example of what faith can accomplish in the here and now and how faith should be expressed by the faithful.

           In the Gospel reading, Thomas’ “prove it” attitude is the example given to all Christians on what faith isn’t. This Gospel reading defines faith more clearly. This is a faith we call conviction and trust. This faith is a considered and firm acceptance of a God and the promise of God. To use the verbiage from a current commercial, “it’s not all willy-nilly”, real faith is steadfast, especially when it’s not convenient or popular.

            Yes, today’s readings are teaching through example the absolute necessity to live our lives with faith, and in faith. We must understand that we live in an imperfect world and that our lives will be imperfect, but we need to live our lives with faith and with an ever continuous attempt to understand our lives as a relationship with God. And our relationship with God, through Christ and by the power of the Holy Spirit is what our faith is all about.

Scripture is from the NABRE

1 – Encyclopedia of Catholicism; by Richard P. McBrien

by David E. Gonzales

Honestly! - Part One

 *Honest = honorable in principles, intentions, and actions, upright and fair

Spirituality = how you live your life in relationship to, how you understand your higher power

            So, just how honest are you? No, not with all those other people, just how honest are you with you? Just how well do you live a life that is in line with your spiritual beliefs? How consistent are you in practice? Are you comfortable in your own skin? If you didn’t respond with a resounding “VERY WELL” then please read on.

Many people have difficulties, or challenges that stem from their spirituality, or their lack of a practiced spirituality. Unfortunately, most people don’t even realize that the feeling they have of imbalance in life is very much in tune to the way they live their lives. One example may be; a man and woman are living together outside of marriage, one or the other or even both may have a conflict within themselves that causes conflict in the relationship. I use this example only due to its commonality. Their personal ethical, moral, or religious ideals do not reflect the life that they desire or believe they should be living. The solution then is to resolve the conflict between how they are living their lives and how they perceive their lives should be lived. They will have to make a physical, emotional and spiritual decision as to how they will bring their current situation into balance. These are hard decisions to make; but before they can make a confident decision that will affect not only their life but the lives of their family and friends, they need to fully understand themselves and their God.  Bringing your spiritual life in concert with your physical life can help with these decisions and bring tremendous peace into your existence.

The first key, as simple as it sounds, is to understand your God or, if you desire, your higher power. A person may believe that their God is a good and kind God, but then they ask God “why have you given me this pain to deal with”. They may not even realize that this is a conflict within their own understanding of God and it is causing them the emotional imbalance that they are currently experiencing. It is not God that is causing their pain, but conceivably it is simply the environment that they live in. How well do you take care of yourself? What kind of people do you associate with? What is the environment in your neighborhood, or your employ? Or it could be because of the decisions they have made in the past. You can’t change the past, but you can certainly shape the future.

            The next key is to understand you, and this is probably the most difficult. Can you honestly answer this; what kind of person am I? Now, can you answer this question in detail? For instance; when you are in traffic do you act as politely to the person that cut you off as you do when you’re with family? Are you as kind at home as you are when dealing with business partners or old friends? Is your God with you at all times, or just when it’s convenient? These could be the personal questions that you need to come to a conclusive understanding of. But indeed, you need to come to a conclusive understanding of yourself. The better you understand yourself and your tendencies the better you can react to all the different challenges that life will bring about. The better prepared you will be to not make the same mistakes again and again.

Remember God does not cause us pain. Sin, pain and death came into this world through the sin of Adam. These anxieties or pains can be caused by ourselves or at least by our environment, our entire environment, where we live, the people we associate ourselves with etc. And of course sometimes events just happen; unfortunate circumstances in many cases simply cannot be avoided. How we react depends in part to how we live and comprehend our existence in our relationship with our God. This requires an internal evaluation of who we are, who we really are. Not the ideal we wish for, but the true person that engages others in our everyday lives. This also requires the study of what each individual calls God. In order to live a life that is spirituality honest, you must first understand your God.

This is a brief illustration of being honest with ourselves in our Spirituality. By understanding who you are as a person and what you believe in, you can live a more peaceful and a exceedingly balanced life. Understanding yourself, your beliefs and how they work together is the key to finding a consistently happy life. You are an evolving being, as a lump of clay can be shaped into a fine vase; you too can shape your lived life and your spiritual life to be one in the same.  This is approximately one page of text that will inevitably lead to a lifetime of soul searching. Take your time; be honest with yourself and with others. Oh, and remember to smile as often as possible.

           

*Dictionary.com

By David E.Gonzales