Mutually Equal

          

        The law is written in equality, but is not exercised in equality. As imperfect humans, the best we can expect is to exercise the law, mutually.         

          We can be kind to each other. However, it is doubtful that we will be equally kind, but we most certainly can be mutually kind to each other.         

          Equality is a noble goal, mutuality is an obtainable goal. Hate begets hate, love begets love. In the New Testament “Love” is used quite often, and quite poorly. Love in the New Testament is better and more appropriately defined as “charity”. This is, to give without an expectation of a return. Kindness is the simplest form of this “charity” or love.         

          The Golden Rule (Matt 7:12) exemplifies this love. Although this also brings Karma into the equation. Be good, or else. 1 Cor. 13 expands upon The Golden Rule and brings it into better focus. The focus of kindness/charity.

          I think Matt 25:35-45 could be the best example of this kindness, love, charity. It rightly expresses, How you treat others is for the Glory of God, not for your Glory. This is a mutual kindness, not equal. Yet, this is the kind of kindness that can bring about equality. Not lawful equality, but, practiced equality. Real day to day equality.         

          Kindness is the simplest form of love. By being kind to one another we can bring about equality, a different kind of equality. The type of equality only we as a people can create. For equality isn’t a law brought down upon us from a government. It’s a law of God that must come from our hearts and souls and be extended to one another.         

          The laws have been written. And they help, but they don’t and can’t change the hearts of people. Acts of kindness, can and do. These acts of love bring about an internal change and a respect for others. Acts of kindness change an individual’s soul. A community’s soul, a state’s soul, a nation’s soul. 

       Hate is strong, but it has to be fed. Kindness is the fuel that feeds our souls and starves hatred. Hate begets hate, Love begets Love. Charity is the path of our salvation. Hate the path to our demise. 

May the peace of Christ fill you hearts and Love of God fill your soul. 

          David E. Gonzales

I Express-

I write to express my feelings, thoughts, faith. I write as a matter of need, not want. I don’t write to become a master of the “like” button. I write to help myself and I hope to help others in my expressions. I believe that writing is one of the better ways to help me understand life. The true reality of my perceptions that surround me. It is through writing that I help to heal my damaged ego. It is through writing that I heal emotionally and psychologically, this is where I stabilize my mental state.

Writing isn’t for everyone. But for those who do write, even a little, it can be a big piece of keeping oneself in state of “being happy.” Being happy, getting happy, desiring to be happy, staying happy, for some its easy, for other it takes a little more effort.

Perhaps effort is really the key here. For nothing happens if you don’t try. Without putting yourself forth, nothing is going to happen. It’s a daily exercise of communicating with others and yourself. Understanding yourself is absolutely necessary to living in harmony with others. Writing is a wonderful way of clearing out the clutter and focusing your thoughts into complete lucidity.

This is not a one step or one day process. It’s also not an agonizing one. Or at least it shouldn’t be. And while writing down one’s personal thoughts isn’t easy, clarity can be shocking, responding to yourself can be most rewarding.

The response you have to your writings can and should be gaged on how positive the effects will be. And the effects should be, must be, positive in nature. Our faith, our relationship with God is, as is, our relationship with each other. This must always be positive! Our relationship with our faith and our relationship with everyone in our lives should be one and the same. If God is love, (expressed as charity), then our relationships should reflect that ideal as much as possible. Writing can bring to light the imbalance in our lives.

As we increase the balance in our lives, that “happy” feeling becomes increasingly consistent. Our personal lives and faith should and need to be, as much as possible, in harmony with each other. Writing allows me an outlet for my thoughts to be expressed in an ever clarifying manner. I’ve only been writing for a few years now, but I find writing an increasingly valuable tool in my life. Note: Not all my thoughts are published.

Writing is self-care. It is necessary to take care of yourself in order to care for others. You must be good to yourself in order to be good to others in a consistent manner. Otherwise you may find yourself in a state of emotional flux. Self-care is a necessary element in life. Everyone I know has this element in their lives.  

I hope that this expression, written from the heart, will help you in attaining balance you are looking for.

by David E. Gonzales

Us, The Third Person

I will always be me. My persona that is me will change over the years as I grow, mature, educate and learn from my mistakes. Hopefully I will improve as a person as a result of my life experiences. You will always be you. Your life experiences will be unique to you, and hopefully you will improve as a person also. When a relationship begins a new entity is born. This third entity is called “us.”

Relationships, they don’t just happen. They, like children, are created then nurtured to maturity. When you and I meet, even casually, there is a third person born. This person is young, immature, and unsure of itself. As you and I spend time together this third person grows, adapts, matures and becomes increasingly self-evident. Whether this third person grows into a positive, mature and productive adult depends entirely on how you and I respect each other, the more there is disrespect toward one or the other the increasingly dysfunctional this third person will become.

If we never see each other again then this third person becomes dormant. This third person doesn’t disappear, as if it never happened, it does remain in its undeveloped state. It is a part of our development as a person, and so it remains with us. Since this third person is a part of who we are it changes the way we interact with the next person we meet. We may react with increased zeal or with trepidation.

Two main parts of growing a positive third person is trust and respect. The third part is mutual care and support. All three are important in a relationship. These are the foundations of any relationship, therefore, removing any one of them will evolve into a dysfunctional relationship. Sometimes these relationships fall apart with each person carrying that third person with them, each with their unique interpretation of the reality of the relationship. And sometimes the couple will remain with each other for a lifetime. Always struggling to find some normalcy in their relationship.

            There is no doubt that relationships take a lot of hard work. In other articles I have used the word “arduous.” I think this true in many relationships. For many more couples or even families, it is something less then arduous. This could be anywhere from just continually adjusting to one another to professional family counseling.

            A strong foundation begins at the very creation of any relationship. More generally speaking, treating everyone at the outset with respect will create opportunities for healthy relationships. Without respect and trust along with mutual care and support relationships are impossible to create. As in any relationship, trust is given as a precept to respect. But as a relationship develops, trust must be earned. When trust is abused in a relationship it is very difficult, and in many cases impossible, to regain or restore it to its previous level.

            From the earning and giving of trust and respect, mutual care and support naturally develops. It becomes something of a desire. Each couple decides how, how much, and what kind of care and support the other needs or requires. Much of this comes through trial and error. The constant adjusting mentioned earlier.

            Relationships are complicated. Mostly because we are raised as individuals. As children it’s all about me, me and me. As we grow older we are taught to share. We are taught to be independent in thought as well as to be able to work and play with others. But a relationship goes well beyond these simple teachings. A relationship bears a responsibility to constantly develop, in love, this third person. This creation called “us.” Each person is responsible to give of themselves and enhance this third person while never letting the persona that is them get away. This “us” becomes the love that binds each couple together, for all the days of their lives.

May your life be blessed with the unique love that only “us” can bring to life.

By David E. Gonzales

I’m Not Attached-

I’m not attached to things, physical things. I hear people say, “I love my car, phone, or other things.” Or, “I don’t know what I would do without this or that thing.” I have a truck I’ve been driving for 14 years; I am no more fond of it than I am of the chair I’m sitting on or the door to this room. These are inanimate objects. They have no life. They give no love. Yet many people do give of themselves to these “things.”

Why do so many give of themselves to things that cannot give in return? It never ceases to befuddle me when I see people have so much emotion over a car. Perhaps it’s because so many people are lonely? Or do they lack in having a Faith? We, as a society seem obsessed with the things we create. Things that give us moments of pleasure, or wonderment, but not a lasting relationship. In fact, not a relationship at all, for a healthy relationship is a two-way engagement.

A healthy relationship is between two human beings. I’m speaking here in regards to personal relationships. There are relationships in families, groups and societies. I wish to keep this within the personal relationship. I believe that personal relationships are both physical and spiritual. Both of these types of relationships have the same foundation of trust, charity, mutual care and support.

I believe many, if not most people, are missing part of this foundation in their lives. One of these parts is trust, and I believe this is why so many of us cling to “things” with an emotional attachment. We don’t have to give much trust to a car or a cell-phone. If these things fail us we can get another one. We can discard them at a whim. Or if they are reasonably reliable we can cling to them as if they are a trusted friend.

Charity brings about another dimension altogether. Let’s bring charity down to its fundamental core, kindness. It doesn’t take much to see that ‘things” don’t bring or offer kindness. Not in any way, whatsoever. So when I hear people say, “Its been so good to me,” I would like to believe they’re speaking metaphorically. Except many are not. They have developed an imaginary relationship with an object. A relationship where they believe this object “cares” about them. This belief can allow people to disengage with others and become increasingly recluse. The attraction is that it’s safer than a personal relationship. However, there’s also no mutual care and support.

Mutual care and support can only be between two people. Again I’m speaking in the context of a personal relationship. Mutual care and support is, really, just two people paying attention to one another. Paying attention with the desire to help one another be as real, productive, and serving as possible. I mean to say, as human as possible. When we put all this together, we call it; being in love, sharing love and being loved.

To be loved is what we desire the most. But I don’t think most of us understand just what that means. To love is to extend to yourself outside of yourself and to take risk with one other. To be loved is to allow yourself to be cared for physically, emotionally, intellectually, and psychologically. A healthy relationship is some combination of all these aspects, each combination becoming unique to each couple. A couple, two people.

Two people, not things, stuff, objects, or toys. A relationship, not something to be discarded and replaced because it’s not working as well as one dreamed it should be working. A relationship takes work, some requiring more care than others. Few relationships, if any, are free of flaws. None of them are attached to “things” more than they are attached to each other. If they were, they would be considered a business relationship and not personal one.

I’m not attached…

I’m not attached to what I have. I have what I need to function in today’s society, both in business and personally. I don’t need things, or want things to replace human interaction and certainly not to mimic a relationship. I think we as a society need to prioritize our emotions regarding “things” and people. I think we need to treat each other with the foundation of charity and kindness.

If we treat each other with this foundation of trust, charity, mutual care and support, we will find a shift in the way we look at the “things” in our lives. Putting our attachments in the human context, first and foremost. We need to pull our heads out of the electronic sand and reinsert our body, and minds back into personal relationships and society as whole. The relationship we have with each other is the same relationship we have with our God, Spirit, or Higher Power.

As we shift from the “things” of this world, we will be more willing to embrace our natural longing toward faith and our humanity. We are all physical and spiritual beings in need of physical and spiritual relationships.

May we all be blessed in our physical and spiritual relationships.

David E. Gonzales

Jealousy, Cute or Cruel?

Scary words: I can't live without you. - If I can't have you, no one can!

To some these words may show a strong committed love for them. To me, I find them scary. When do they go from being cute to dangerous? I don't believe this is a line that can be drawn. I find in these words trouble. Jealousy is not an emotion or attitude that I find attractive.

Just take a look at some of the synonyms for jealousy; envy, distrust, suspicion, covetousness, resentment. These are the kind of words that can build in the subconscious of anyone, and keep building until a release of some nature becomes necessary. This release could be verbal or physical, or a combination of the two. Rarely is it cute.

I believe for the vast majority of us jealousy is relatively harmless. But for the few it can be the fuel for an explosive fire of emotions. In today’s society, the pressure of just living is as tense as any time in history. The insecurity of tomorrow is magnified in relationships. The family structure is a necessary stabilizing force in society. When this structure is threatened, other pressures in life are magnified. Being extremely jealous can become an unbalanced emotional and physiological cry for help. Thankfully, most of us can keep jealousy in check. This is if we have a tendency toward jealousy at all.

Yes jealousy can be cute, I guess. The root of jealousy in my mind comes from distrust. And I don't believe it’s something that should be prodded. Like most things in a relationship, jealousy should be discussed honestly between those it concerns. It should never be ignored.

The Bible has much to say about jealousy, none of it is good. I think one of the most telling is Proverbs 6:34: Anger is relentless, and wrath overwhelming - but before jealousy who can stand? Indeed, who can stand? While I believe jealousy is based in a lack of trust, I also believe it goes beyond this basic emotion. It grows and becomes out of proportion with reality. And the increasingly out of balance with reality a person’s life becomes the more fragile a person becomes. This “out of balance” may force a separation on a relationship, a letting go of someone very meaningful.

            Having the ability to let go, or to not become overly attached is a virtue. This does not mean you cannot allow yourself a loving, caring and respectful relationship, it simply means you can let go if necessary. Jealousy brings with it a type of possessiveness, making it harder to let go peacefully. We are all mortal and this means we all have to let go of someone at some time in our lives. People move, others move on, saying goodbye  or so long, this is also a part of letting go.

            Letting go in a relationship is almost always a difficult intention to accomplish. Sadly, it is sometimes just plain necessary. Letting go, saying goodbye, walking away, these are not natural things to us. A great many of us were raised to never quit. We were raised to keep striving toward a goal, and to accomplish that goal. Jealousy is an impairment to reaching this goal.

When it becomes evident that that the jealousy of a loved one is no longer acceptable then self-preservation and/or the protection of our children become the greater concern. I believe the great majority of us would like to have a relationship steeped in mutual love and respect, and I believe this is why we strive with such determination to achieve this goal. We may even try to validate questionable behavior, such as jealousy, in an attempt to justify the retention of a relationship.

            Living our lives with our loved ones brings about great joy and happiness. This, with trust, adds to the fullness of our relationships. These with God bring about an elevated essence within our relationships. Don't let the ugliness of jealousy get in the way of your happiness.

May the love and peace of Christ be with you always.

Scripture is from the NABRE

By David E. Gonzales