I’m Not Attached-

I’m not attached to things, physical things. I hear people say, “I love my car, phone, or other things.” Or, “I don’t know what I would do without this or that thing.” I have a truck I’ve been driving for 14 years; I am no more fond of it than I am of the chair I’m sitting on or the door to this room. These are inanimate objects. They have no life. They give no love. Yet many people do give of themselves to these “things.”

Why do so many give of themselves to things that cannot give in return? It never ceases to befuddle me when I see people have so much emotion over a car. Perhaps it’s because so many people are lonely? Or do they lack in having a Faith? We, as a society seem obsessed with the things we create. Things that give us moments of pleasure, or wonderment, but not a lasting relationship. In fact, not a relationship at all, for a healthy relationship is a two-way engagement.

A healthy relationship is between two human beings. I’m speaking here in regards to personal relationships. There are relationships in families, groups and societies. I wish to keep this within the personal relationship. I believe that personal relationships are both physical and spiritual. Both of these types of relationships have the same foundation of trust, charity, mutual care and support.

I believe many, if not most people, are missing part of this foundation in their lives. One of these parts is trust, and I believe this is why so many of us cling to “things” with an emotional attachment. We don’t have to give much trust to a car or a cell-phone. If these things fail us we can get another one. We can discard them at a whim. Or if they are reasonably reliable we can cling to them as if they are a trusted friend.

Charity brings about another dimension altogether. Let’s bring charity down to its fundamental core, kindness. It doesn’t take much to see that ‘things” don’t bring or offer kindness. Not in any way, whatsoever. So when I hear people say, “Its been so good to me,” I would like to believe they’re speaking metaphorically. Except many are not. They have developed an imaginary relationship with an object. A relationship where they believe this object “cares” about them. This belief can allow people to disengage with others and become increasingly recluse. The attraction is that it’s safer than a personal relationship. However, there’s also no mutual care and support.

Mutual care and support can only be between two people. Again I’m speaking in the context of a personal relationship. Mutual care and support is, really, just two people paying attention to one another. Paying attention with the desire to help one another be as real, productive, and serving as possible. I mean to say, as human as possible. When we put all this together, we call it; being in love, sharing love and being loved.

To be loved is what we desire the most. But I don’t think most of us understand just what that means. To love is to extend to yourself outside of yourself and to take risk with one other. To be loved is to allow yourself to be cared for physically, emotionally, intellectually, and psychologically. A healthy relationship is some combination of all these aspects, each combination becoming unique to each couple. A couple, two people.

Two people, not things, stuff, objects, or toys. A relationship, not something to be discarded and replaced because it’s not working as well as one dreamed it should be working. A relationship takes work, some requiring more care than others. Few relationships, if any, are free of flaws. None of them are attached to “things” more than they are attached to each other. If they were, they would be considered a business relationship and not personal one.

I’m not attached…

I’m not attached to what I have. I have what I need to function in today’s society, both in business and personally. I don’t need things, or want things to replace human interaction and certainly not to mimic a relationship. I think we as a society need to prioritize our emotions regarding “things” and people. I think we need to treat each other with the foundation of charity and kindness.

If we treat each other with this foundation of trust, charity, mutual care and support, we will find a shift in the way we look at the “things” in our lives. Putting our attachments in the human context, first and foremost. We need to pull our heads out of the electronic sand and reinsert our body, and minds back into personal relationships and society as whole. The relationship we have with each other is the same relationship we have with our God, Spirit, or Higher Power.

As we shift from the “things” of this world, we will be more willing to embrace our natural longing toward faith and our humanity. We are all physical and spiritual beings in need of physical and spiritual relationships.

May we all be blessed in our physical and spiritual relationships.

David E. Gonzales

Jealousy, Cute or Cruel?

Scary words: I can't live without you. - If I can't have you, no one can!

To some these words may show a strong committed love for them. To me, I find them scary. When do they go from being cute to dangerous? I don't believe this is a line that can be drawn. I find in these words trouble. Jealousy is not an emotion or attitude that I find attractive.

Just take a look at some of the synonyms for jealousy; envy, distrust, suspicion, covetousness, resentment. These are the kind of words that can build in the subconscious of anyone, and keep building until a release of some nature becomes necessary. This release could be verbal or physical, or a combination of the two. Rarely is it cute.

I believe for the vast majority of us jealousy is relatively harmless. But for the few it can be the fuel for an explosive fire of emotions. In today’s society, the pressure of just living is as tense as any time in history. The insecurity of tomorrow is magnified in relationships. The family structure is a necessary stabilizing force in society. When this structure is threatened, other pressures in life are magnified. Being extremely jealous can become an unbalanced emotional and physiological cry for help. Thankfully, most of us can keep jealousy in check. This is if we have a tendency toward jealousy at all.

Yes jealousy can be cute, I guess. The root of jealousy in my mind comes from distrust. And I don't believe it’s something that should be prodded. Like most things in a relationship, jealousy should be discussed honestly between those it concerns. It should never be ignored.

The Bible has much to say about jealousy, none of it is good. I think one of the most telling is Proverbs 6:34: Anger is relentless, and wrath overwhelming - but before jealousy who can stand? Indeed, who can stand? While I believe jealousy is based in a lack of trust, I also believe it goes beyond this basic emotion. It grows and becomes out of proportion with reality. And the increasingly out of balance with reality a person’s life becomes the more fragile a person becomes. This “out of balance” may force a separation on a relationship, a letting go of someone very meaningful.

            Having the ability to let go, or to not become overly attached is a virtue. This does not mean you cannot allow yourself a loving, caring and respectful relationship, it simply means you can let go if necessary. Jealousy brings with it a type of possessiveness, making it harder to let go peacefully. We are all mortal and this means we all have to let go of someone at some time in our lives. People move, others move on, saying goodbye  or so long, this is also a part of letting go.

            Letting go in a relationship is almost always a difficult intention to accomplish. Sadly, it is sometimes just plain necessary. Letting go, saying goodbye, walking away, these are not natural things to us. A great many of us were raised to never quit. We were raised to keep striving toward a goal, and to accomplish that goal. Jealousy is an impairment to reaching this goal.

When it becomes evident that that the jealousy of a loved one is no longer acceptable then self-preservation and/or the protection of our children become the greater concern. I believe the great majority of us would like to have a relationship steeped in mutual love and respect, and I believe this is why we strive with such determination to achieve this goal. We may even try to validate questionable behavior, such as jealousy, in an attempt to justify the retention of a relationship.

            Living our lives with our loved ones brings about great joy and happiness. This, with trust, adds to the fullness of our relationships. These with God bring about an elevated essence within our relationships. Don't let the ugliness of jealousy get in the way of your happiness.

May the love and peace of Christ be with you always.

Scripture is from the NABRE

By David E. Gonzales