Jealousy, Cute or Cruel?

Scary words: I can't live without you. - If I can't have you, no one can!

To some these words may show a strong committed love for them. To me, I find them scary. When do they go from being cute to dangerous? I don't believe this is a line that can be drawn. I find in these words trouble. Jealousy is not an emotion or attitude that I find attractive.

Just take a look at some of the synonyms for jealousy; envy, distrust, suspicion, covetousness, resentment. These are the kind of words that can build in the subconscious of anyone, and keep building until a release of some nature becomes necessary. This release could be verbal or physical, or a combination of the two. Rarely is it cute.

I believe for the vast majority of us jealousy is relatively harmless. But for the few it can be the fuel for an explosive fire of emotions. In today’s society, the pressure of just living is as tense as any time in history. The insecurity of tomorrow is magnified in relationships. The family structure is a necessary stabilizing force in society. When this structure is threatened, other pressures in life are magnified. Being extremely jealous can become an unbalanced emotional and physiological cry for help. Thankfully, most of us can keep jealousy in check. This is if we have a tendency toward jealousy at all.

Yes jealousy can be cute, I guess. The root of jealousy in my mind comes from distrust. And I don't believe it’s something that should be prodded. Like most things in a relationship, jealousy should be discussed honestly between those it concerns. It should never be ignored.

The Bible has much to say about jealousy, none of it is good. I think one of the most telling is Proverbs 6:34: Anger is relentless, and wrath overwhelming - but before jealousy who can stand? Indeed, who can stand? While I believe jealousy is based in a lack of trust, I also believe it goes beyond this basic emotion. It grows and becomes out of proportion with reality. And the increasingly out of balance with reality a person’s life becomes the more fragile a person becomes. This “out of balance” may force a separation on a relationship, a letting go of someone very meaningful.

            Having the ability to let go, or to not become overly attached is a virtue. This does not mean you cannot allow yourself a loving, caring and respectful relationship, it simply means you can let go if necessary. Jealousy brings with it a type of possessiveness, making it harder to let go peacefully. We are all mortal and this means we all have to let go of someone at some time in our lives. People move, others move on, saying goodbye  or so long, this is also a part of letting go.

            Letting go in a relationship is almost always a difficult intention to accomplish. Sadly, it is sometimes just plain necessary. Letting go, saying goodbye, walking away, these are not natural things to us. A great many of us were raised to never quit. We were raised to keep striving toward a goal, and to accomplish that goal. Jealousy is an impairment to reaching this goal.

When it becomes evident that that the jealousy of a loved one is no longer acceptable then self-preservation and/or the protection of our children become the greater concern. I believe the great majority of us would like to have a relationship steeped in mutual love and respect, and I believe this is why we strive with such determination to achieve this goal. We may even try to validate questionable behavior, such as jealousy, in an attempt to justify the retention of a relationship.

            Living our lives with our loved ones brings about great joy and happiness. This, with trust, adds to the fullness of our relationships. These with God bring about an elevated essence within our relationships. Don't let the ugliness of jealousy get in the way of your happiness.

May the love and peace of Christ be with you always.

Scripture is from the NABRE

By David E. Gonzales