I’m Not Attached-

I’m not attached to things, physical things. I hear people say, “I love my car, phone, or other things.” Or, “I don’t know what I would do without this or that thing.” I have a truck I’ve been driving for 14 years; I am no more fond of it than I am of the chair I’m sitting on or the door to this room. These are inanimate objects. They have no life. They give no love. Yet many people do give of themselves to these “things.”

Why do so many give of themselves to things that cannot give in return? It never ceases to befuddle me when I see people have so much emotion over a car. Perhaps it’s because so many people are lonely? Or do they lack in having a Faith? We, as a society seem obsessed with the things we create. Things that give us moments of pleasure, or wonderment, but not a lasting relationship. In fact, not a relationship at all, for a healthy relationship is a two-way engagement.

A healthy relationship is between two human beings. I’m speaking here in regards to personal relationships. There are relationships in families, groups and societies. I wish to keep this within the personal relationship. I believe that personal relationships are both physical and spiritual. Both of these types of relationships have the same foundation of trust, charity, mutual care and support.

I believe many, if not most people, are missing part of this foundation in their lives. One of these parts is trust, and I believe this is why so many of us cling to “things” with an emotional attachment. We don’t have to give much trust to a car or a cell-phone. If these things fail us we can get another one. We can discard them at a whim. Or if they are reasonably reliable we can cling to them as if they are a trusted friend.

Charity brings about another dimension altogether. Let’s bring charity down to its fundamental core, kindness. It doesn’t take much to see that ‘things” don’t bring or offer kindness. Not in any way, whatsoever. So when I hear people say, “Its been so good to me,” I would like to believe they’re speaking metaphorically. Except many are not. They have developed an imaginary relationship with an object. A relationship where they believe this object “cares” about them. This belief can allow people to disengage with others and become increasingly recluse. The attraction is that it’s safer than a personal relationship. However, there’s also no mutual care and support.

Mutual care and support can only be between two people. Again I’m speaking in the context of a personal relationship. Mutual care and support is, really, just two people paying attention to one another. Paying attention with the desire to help one another be as real, productive, and serving as possible. I mean to say, as human as possible. When we put all this together, we call it; being in love, sharing love and being loved.

To be loved is what we desire the most. But I don’t think most of us understand just what that means. To love is to extend to yourself outside of yourself and to take risk with one other. To be loved is to allow yourself to be cared for physically, emotionally, intellectually, and psychologically. A healthy relationship is some combination of all these aspects, each combination becoming unique to each couple. A couple, two people.

Two people, not things, stuff, objects, or toys. A relationship, not something to be discarded and replaced because it’s not working as well as one dreamed it should be working. A relationship takes work, some requiring more care than others. Few relationships, if any, are free of flaws. None of them are attached to “things” more than they are attached to each other. If they were, they would be considered a business relationship and not personal one.

I’m not attached…

I’m not attached to what I have. I have what I need to function in today’s society, both in business and personally. I don’t need things, or want things to replace human interaction and certainly not to mimic a relationship. I think we as a society need to prioritize our emotions regarding “things” and people. I think we need to treat each other with the foundation of charity and kindness.

If we treat each other with this foundation of trust, charity, mutual care and support, we will find a shift in the way we look at the “things” in our lives. Putting our attachments in the human context, first and foremost. We need to pull our heads out of the electronic sand and reinsert our body, and minds back into personal relationships and society as whole. The relationship we have with each other is the same relationship we have with our God, Spirit, or Higher Power.

As we shift from the “things” of this world, we will be more willing to embrace our natural longing toward faith and our humanity. We are all physical and spiritual beings in need of physical and spiritual relationships.

May we all be blessed in our physical and spiritual relationships.

David E. Gonzales